its july 28th Monday

So its July 28th and I did NOT do good yesterday, stemming from an acrimonious dismissal of my son back to arizona, I overate and actually endulged in pizza yesterday. Oh lets go back a little further, my husband picked up dinner Little Ceasar's for chris and being upset that I didnt have my phone charged and able to speak to me while I was at the gym for "4 hours". Okay the real story is this. Ryan is mad because I didnt buy him a laptop, Zune, or IPHONE. For real, we got to the airport right on time and I couldnt send his luggage which I promptly mailed a box with all his belongings sans the suitcase. I spoke to tremayne at 8pm on Sunday evening as I dropped Gaby off at Abbys' and headed to gym, he was heading back out to get chris something to eat...Little ceasars, i guess he woke up concerned at some point to realize I was not back from gym yet and it was after 10;30am. he called Jorge and abby inquiring about me... YEP! That is so not my husband. He must of been really concerned, because he called screaming and throwing a fit which I was home by 10:55 from gym, but it was not I repeat not 4 hours... OMG.. anyways, so I worked from home on Monday and yet still tremayne was fuming and not wanting to have a conversation... OH did I mention he took my car... yep the one he pays for and cleans and pays for... yep he took the envoy to work. Anyways, I crept up on the scale yesterday to 208 which I panicked.

Today I am at 207 or so and I am feeling it. I am bloated and cramping and not happy, besides I wore these khaki pants that fit terribly and had to all day feel the baggy sensationation when I walked to back office and back.

Finished the invites for connie and mailed to houston express day.... 26.55 ouch that hurts being that I am charging her only 75.00.

I have to get back to gym... I took off last night and felt guilty. I hope that Tremayne comes home in a better mood and I can actually escape to go to the gym... as he puts it... its not the gym.. its me having my ophone uncharged. which reminds me.... let me charge up the phone. now

i had 1/2 of a blue cheese burger and 3 onion rings. I have waited for this moment for days or weeks actually but we have bee so busy with doing the floors and the gym I have not had a chance. It was we,l worth it due to the taste but after 2 glasses of 16.oz of h20 I am ab out to pop. this is the first time we have gone out as a complete family. I am enjoying this. I am tired and going to run tonight hopefully I can find a lit running track at one of the parks. I am weighing 209 am weight and this afternoon before this yummy food I was at 210... dow n from 238 seems lime a great accomplishment and I should be ecstatic but still the amount left to loose is still so overwhelming that I can only imagine getting there. I kmnow I can and can't wait to fit in a size 10 or 12 at least soon enough. I am ndown to size 16 and counting and feel alot better. I have so much to go but will keep focused as usual.

its monday

its monday and I have been contemplating on whether to call in or work today since i dont feel well. I dont know if its a stomach bug or just exhaustion. feeling queezy am weight 213. Hope to be down to 207 by weekend. 6 lbs or so more... Lets get at it! For the time being... let me go have breakfast.

its saturday almost 4 pm and nothing has been started on the floors in the living room yet... this is so starting to annoy me. I feel helpless when I can do so much by myself but depend on someone to do something that I do not know how to... anyways it will come along perfectly but its trying my patience.

I got up with tremayne early on a saturday am to go to the dmw for his motorcycle driving license exam and some breakfast withOUT THE kids. they still are going to sleep like at 5 or 6 am and coming out of hybernation around 2pm in the afternoon.... unfortunately true to the practice of waking up verociously hungry. Great feeding 4 teenagers.

It was 9am and I still have not eaten....I am literally nauseous... my body is asking for niutrition...We go to dwarf house on pleasant hill I ordered an omelet with all the vegetables and chicken, when i get my order I have a omelet soaked with cheese and plain.... UGGH ! requested a new one-- wanted my veggies intake... need them. Ordered diet lemonade... I didnt know that chick fil a has it... YUM!

Ate 1/3 of the omelet, the part that was not covered with cheese around 10am? and still at almost 4pm - I am literrally not hungry yet. I have been sipping on the tea since this am and having some lower back pain because of these heel sandals I"m blaming.

I did go to the gym friday evening,, cybex 10min and the wave... I caught the wave... dont think I am doing the motion correctly yet, but will keep trying... 100 on each machine 200 in cardio.. and did some abs... I am really amazed at how the body tells you... oh yeah here are muscles that hvae been dorment and now you want to put them to work...

wake up obliques and abdominal muscles I need you to start working. I am so proud at my progress of 24 lbs an dcounting.. am weight 214. I cant believe it but I still ahve much more to lose if we are looking at 150.... that is still 64 lbs to go. I can do it. Its July 11th and I have 7 seven weeks to go that is 49 days... I can get close but not enough... I will try to get down to 175 lbs by the end of this venture of the office challenge and hopefully by december 09 be down to 135 lbs. I am pretty sure I can do it.

starting weight 238.7 current weight 214.0 lost 24.7 lbs... on july 10th.

my food intake today has been great... I am really focusing on eating more meals, small meals...
am weight is 215. 4 and at 5:14 its 215. you must speed up your metabolism and get it moving. I am excited with my new approach. I think it will be alot better and more productive. I am hoping for that. I need food to fuel my body for the intense cardio I am doing everyday.

8am-breakfast was a low carb tortilla 80 calories and 2 g of fat. with 1.2 container of scrambled- egg beaters 30 cal i think. 100cal)

9:30am snack banana 80c)

11 am 1/2 cup of corn flakes with skim milk 120c)

2pm-ate 2 hot wings ? 80c.) protein...

drank h2O

5:30 AM-wheat grain slice of bread with 1/2 tbs of lower fat peanut butter-- 12 gram of fat in 2 tbsp and 190 cal... OMG 100 cal in wheat grain bread and say 100 cal for the p.b 200c)

thursday, july 9th

I have a whirlwind of emotions, realizations, guilt, happiness, and determination these last few days. I had an excellent upper arm workout yesterday at the gym and some great ab exercises with my cousins husband Brian byrdsong. he is so motivating. I realized yesterday that besides my new workout friend at Lifetime. Christy I was riding this solo. I have come to realize and almost scare myself to exhaustion by not eating as much as I should. i have realized that I need to focus on my afternoon food as I have a great routine for a.m breakfast snack and lunch the problem I am having is the pm time. I have not been able to judge my hunger.. besides that I am in big need of a TACO MAC blue cheese burger which I promised myself this saturday. LOL. I have to eat my body is asking for it. I have been extra tired and pushed myself to keep going even when I want to wallow in my guilt. That is another thing....

1) emotions.... guilt.. How did I allow myself to put on 80 lbs. How difficult this journey has been. How much more I have to get to. How difficult it is. I really have to find a new word. I was at focused, determined, and dedicated and now I am at guilt guilt guilt. I know I have to get out of the slump and focus on what I have accomplished I started at 238.7 and now at 215.6 or sothat is 23 lbs. Not an easy tasks. I know its sweat, tears and working at it, every day. I think back and wonder what was I complaining about at 150 lbs.. at 145 lbs... why didnt I work out then and keep it. I should of focused on the small effort I could of made and accomplished a major turn instead of now having been at 100 lbs over and being at 80 lbs now.... I would love to be down to 150.... dream at 135 lbs... from 215 that is 80 lbs... can you see my daunting task?!

2) sources of inspiration are people who push themselves, people who have accomplished great things, and motivated people... I detest slackers and lazy people. i think overweight and obesity is a definate expression of your character..you are too lazy to do something about it. do not care any more and I got to hating the fat, hating the overweight. I have come to hate the things that come with that ... diabetes and kidney disease and high blood pressure... I dont want to be sick, I dont want to be diabetic, I dont want to fail, I want to be healthy and beautiful in and out. My obvious inspiration... or moreso motivation would be my mom. I look for her approval and want her to look at me in pride and joy. But I don't want to relive the chaotic recent past of her health. I crumble at the thought of her being sick and needy in sharp contrast of the woman I grew up with knowing, a strong and independent woman.

3) proud and empowered. Probably a little too much with my food intake and not caring for nothing other than that. the weightloss thing fits right in with my "OCD" nature. I have completely focused on it. I choose what I eat or dont eat. I am surprised and realize that if we all did this, we would take more active roll in our health. I am doing something for myself and my wellbeing.

monday, july 6th

woke up and ready to work...