Wednesday, October 21, 2009

so its october 21 st

its wednesday ussually my off day from the gym, but im dressed and ready to go... after blogging. I have an incredible desire to share and remember ,any parts of this journey. I saw this necklace with a pendant that read..."the journey is the reward"... which really describes the past few months for me. the reward is this time of realization of who i can become and what i can accomplish. The effort, strength and the dedication required for any task is so worth it. The result is great but the journey is what changes you far more than the outcome.

I started watching the "biggest loser" episodes and absolutely was floored with the feelings and outpouring of sincerity involved in the contestants... we all have our demons, our escapes our crosses to bear, but the choices are the same for all of us we can or cannot make the good ones. I felt the shame, the agony, the heartache of them and "can sympatize with the pain. The screams the pushing of the trainers is the ones i hear in my brain when i am exhausted or when i want to give up.

the road i am at now is a slow one. I am at 184lbs and still clinging on these damn 180's --- i want to shed it let go of it but i have allowed myself freedom and liberty to break a couple routines. I look at myself in amazement and delight most days and outright shock some. I continue to try clothes that I dare myself to try on and suprisingly fit. I am shocked that besides the slow downward climb that I am going through still clothes that are smaller in size keep fitting. I have smaller sized clothing and I am delighted to try and sport some that I would never imagined would fit. I love the sleek looks and impressed myself today with a pretty classic style black and grey plaid dress with a high waist and small belt and felt amazing and confident to wear.

I don't know how to act thankful and accepting at times with the complimentary comments and just do my usual "yes, I have" lost "............" pounds. My front office coworker is so happy i dont go into all the details any longer. sorry Shayla. But its empowering... yeah above all empowering. The decision to make whether you want to eat junk or healthy, whether to make a good choice or not. I am craving alot more starches as the pita chips and the damn cheeze its.... reduced fat.. yeah right... crap that someone brought for potluck on friday.... I am still drinking green tea that I have grown to love and drink 2 cups a day. TRYINg to eliminate the artificial sugar. I don't eat late and have cut my 5 day stunt of going to bed at 2 am .... thank goodness that was killing me. I skipped my first tuesday spin class in 2 months and was okay with it. I am eating alot more than before and included some additional foods in nutritional combination. I love dark chocolate a little too much.

AT TIMES, i'm concerned that its taking me so long to lose "just a couple pounds" and the scale wont budge but then i just happen to "let me see if this fits now and " waalllllaaaahhhh" yes it does. I ahve some nhike pants, i got at kohls a month ago and they are size 12....yeah small... though and they were tight..., and now they fit. I am wearing to gym tonight. short leg instead of full leg pants, knee lenghths... never before

i am proud and astounded of this accomplishment and remind myself everyday of how far i have come.... go me! go to all those who successfully accomplish this difficult task of losing and maitaining a healthy and wonderfully happy lifestyle of eating right and being healthy.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


so the word is out "plateau". So everyones' thinking I am going to plateau and stop where I am at. I am 185 now and slightly rearranging my workout and eating as I have become less stringent in my calorie intake.