Saturday, February 5, 2011

not a statistic

There were a lot of reasons that kept me strong, and focused when I started this journey. Many were mantras that I set up to boost my self control. Others were reminders why I wanted this so bad, and yet others were for the sheer incentive of sticking to it when the physical exhuastion wants to tell my mind to quit.

Today I found a new one. I DO NOT WANT TO BE A STATISTIC. I had used this years ago as a teen to guide me through my adolescent whims and temptations. I clearly saw the consequences of many girls and their poor choices of boys and behaviors with those boys that lead them to the be talk of Monday morning. I was fortunately sat alphabetically with a crew of the most popular boys who encircled me while I went unnoticed and uninvolved for two years in highschool. I am not sure why we willingly obliged this while high school, but to our benefit and detriment we did have the smallest high school that I have yet to know.

In my desire to remain unscathed by the rumors and reputation , I clinged to my beliefs and choices as my badge of honor. During my initial weightlooss journey I too kept true to my convictions without waivering. I knew there were eyes watching me. I knew that I would be setting an example for others. But above all I held myself accountable. I gave it my 100%

Today I have found that once again I have to hold myself accountable to my choices whether they are good or bad, and these will determine the outcome. I have been bombarded with guilt as I DO THIS WELL. I look at my body and accuse myself of all the poor choices I made to get back up to 199 lbs. I accuse myself of the failure of regaining half of my weight back. This is failure for me. Unfortunately, this is the expected IF not statistically occurrence of  most.  A fact that I do not want to be a willing participant of.

Today I choose NOT to be a statistic.

I will fight, I will choose, I will OVERCOME. I have done this before, I have been telling myself this recently and it led me to this recent epiphany… I WILL HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN. The only difference is, this time for the LAST TIME. I will have to continue to establish good routines as preplanning my meals and prepacking my lunch. I will have to continue with a set schedule for my exercise and challenge myself in new training regimens.

I did KICK class today and rocked it. I thoroughly enjoyed the class and the instructor. Only one fault was she said something to the effect… “when you are my age”…. Not looking a day older than 24 maybe… that really bothers me. I guess that’s why I enjoy JOAN and go to as many classes based on the instructors rather than the class. I go to late SPIN with STEVE. He must be 55+. Joan is 50, maybe. I admire people who are physically fit at those ages. People who inspire, who can physically take on any 20 year old and teach them a thing or two.

Last night too, at our local bakery shop another smart soul made mention of his selfcontrol with the statement, “ I will only take one bite of this cake and put it away.” Then the kicker…” I didn’t run 4 miles in the rain for blow it away”. My audible response as I was getting my carrot cake delight was.. “I’m foregoing dinner, just to blow it away on carrot cake”. ( He was not a day older than 23). Whatever!.

I was turned on to a great phrase by my son Ryan. Youth is wasted on the young. It is so truth. The vitality of youth, the energy, the spunk is so wasted on the immaturity, lack of tack, and unexperience of the youth. Today at 40, I revel when I don’t have a body ache, and appreciate the ability to have wisdom guide rather than impulse. I mean what I say and say what I mean. I choose my company wisely and rapidly discharge negativity from my life whether in form of decisions or people.

Today I choose NOT TO BE A STATISTIC AGAIN and will fight with all the strength and resolve to win. I am at 200 lbs today and will reclaim my figure and strength back.  I will use this new mantra and sheer determination to gain what I know is mine.  I added my hubby to my gym package and hope.. if not for last saturdays' spaz attack about NOT having common goals wasnt enough to him call me 3 times today to check if i had done it or not.  But his comment... mind you this is the man I often refer to as.... "speaks no evil" and "executes his words with great care".  Today was no different when he said, " I WOULDN'T MIND seeing you back as you did for that wedding last May or your cousin's party with that strapless dress".  Thanks honey,  ITS COMING SOON, COMING SOON

1 comment:

  1. I love the new Blog page!!! You are awesome...and I love knowing that we have something in and I. I too resolved years ago... to not be a STATISTIC! I too wanted and continue to try and make the choices that will not make me " the talk of Monday mornings "...LOVE THAT!!!! You are GREAT example to MANY....KEEP IT UP!! You can do this!!! :D