Sunday, May 22, 2011

what day is it? ... it Sunday, May 22nd and a week into my new voice.

Hello there everyone! Its Sunday, and I got my spin and Power on today.  I woke up at 9:30 for a 10 am class to realize that the new schedule for Ride is at 11 to 12 and Power to follow.  It gave me some extra time to catch up on my neglected laundry that has been dragged from room to room in baskets. 

Today is a beautiful day and the sun as inviting as it seems is making me wish for some shade to wash my car and vacumn it.  In regards to my exercise routine and eating, I am happy to share that this week has been a very good week.  Mentally I have been focused on my goal and realized that it will take time.  I had a great evening with a girls night out last night and had a chance to confess some of my recent feelings of failure and disgust about my weight gain that were rather cathartic.

I don't do well with failure and the feeling were overwhelming to the point- I had a couple soliutions in mind.  One to not see anyone that I had seen in months ago (pssst a year ago) when I was at my lowest weight.  Another was to change gyms.  And all this was to ease the guilt of failure. I had neglected to listen to all the suggestions about balance when it came to what I was doing whether it was exercise or eating.  I remember one of my online workout friends (JR): asked me one day. "what is your treat, your cheat food?".  I said "a peppermint patty.(50 cal)." He told me that that wasn't reasonable and I should have something more than that. His was a kickin chicken' sandwich from Zaxby's (600 cal).  I answered honestly, but the what I mistakingly thought was a fully focused attitude was what I can admit now a bit of obsession.    I neglected to use balance and discretion when it came to total calories consumed and total workouts. I figured out how did I lose all that weight (79 lbs.) in that short amount of time?  I did just like the (BL) contestants on the show spend 3 hours in the gym.  I limited my calories to an extremely usual low amount.  Of course I lost 79 lbs. I had to have used the momentum as a step and then lessen the "obsession" to a workable routine, a consistantly less stringent schedule in both areas.  Unfortunately, I totally fell right in the trap of what I was trying to avoid.  The fall back.  The weight gain and failure.  The "screw it" attitude as I call it.  This one thing that makes the difference between making it and (keeping it) or failing.  When you drive by that Krispy Kreme and think, "ah, screw it, I will just have 2 donuts", or "I worked my butt off at the gym today, I deserve it".  When you put your running shoes down, and think "screw it, its too hot out there to run".  When you (intentionally) leave your prepared lunch and think "screw it, I'll just eat out this one time". When you go to bed late surfing the net and that alarm sounds earlier than expected and think "screw it, I'll just go tonight to the gym".  This is what I call the "screw it, attitude".  It is so decieving and harmful.  I know I did it for 6 to 8 months and paid severly with more than 30 lbs.

I also had to get over the idea that people were actually looking at me and thinking in there minds... "wow, look at her now, she's fat again".  In that instance is the only place where the term "screw it" should arise.  You must stand bold faced and admit to yourself the reality of the matter. I came to the conclusion simple and clear that --I did this once and I can do it again.  If you are a sincere person and have good friends- noone will be thinking that but instead you can solicit their help to cheer you on and encourage you to get back to a good point.  I have great "abit to honest" siblings that have kept me in check when I feel this feeling creeping in.  I love them all their sincerity and compassion has helped me overcome my feelings of failure.

So finally- get off your butt and do it.  And if you have done it before and come to a plateau or the bottom of the hill like i did... Just get up and do it!!! again.  Its okay.  Do it again!!! I am getting there and its hard, I'm exhausted, but I am determined and so there again. Make it a great and healthy life.

1 comment:

  1. Rocky, I hold you in the highest respect. Good for you for getting back in the gym, and *do* balance in some cheat foods this summer :)

    Much love. -Joslin