Thursday, February 11, 2010

I have many incomplete tasks in my life. Some that i will openly admit too, like weight issues, home organizational duties, and spirituality. Others that are deeply hidden, never to be shared with others due to a sense of vulnerability, shame, and inadequacy. These will die in my grave unless they come to fruition. I have never considered myself a procrastinator, rather I have come to admit that my "procrastinator in denial" selftitled is still just that. PROCRASTINATION of something needing to be completed.

It seems that I have the so called "ah-ha" moments at rather odd times in my life. Like this weekend, when i realized after so many compliments and kind words of congratulations that I am so ready to complete my uncompleted tasks in my life. That I am so worth it and ready to break through anything that has stumped me in the past and stopped me from doing what I want to do and am smart enough to do. I realized that I have things I want to accomplish. I have dreams and goals and tasks that I want to get to and places I want to be at that have eluded me thusfar. I have struggled with deep rooted guilt towards my lack of spirituality and commitment to the most High. I have been troubled by my lack of discipline in some of the most essential things in my life and I am admitting it and facing it. My youngest brother encouraged me regarding my creative side which I view as a hobby rather than a business opportunity. What I considered a minor and matter of fact project that I was constructing at the party in my eyes and compared as to what others viewed as amazing and far greater, I must admit now, to have a onsite, up to date, up to hour type of gift, with pictures of things going on present my even confuse the keenest of minds.

Many realized only with further detailed examination that the pictures were from the "actual event" taking place at the moment not from previous pictures. Yeah, that is quite remarkable thank you to my handy dandy $29.00 printer and my hubbys $50.00 pocket for the ink cartridge and paper pack- I just needed to have a that precise moment.

I also realized that I am deeply motivated by peoples' awareness of being healthy, eating right, and commitment to selfimprovement. I want to become a certified personal trainer and share... ok i admit....I want to PREACH what i have learned and how its changed me and YOU too can do it.

I have still other things regarding education and career goals. But today I can face it. Today I can choose to make a difference. Today, I made a start. TODAY i CHOOSE TO look at shame and inadequacy in the eyes and make the call. Today I started with my unfinished tasks and said.... I can and I will do it. With my accomplishment of weight loss I realize if I overcame the TOUGHEST battle in life... which was being overweight... and very overweight if I may add and learned how to battle it, combat it, and be on the winning side...physically, mentally and emotionally... all the other tasks seemeed so much simpler. TODAY, I made the call, today, I made the commitment, and today, I humbled myself and just held my head high... okay i mumbled a little bit and didnt look anyone in the face, but I made the step and will do it. Other things I did today were far more embarressing and trivial as they may seem to others-- for me they were major. Today, I can do anything I set my mind and heart too. And today.... I will list my unaccomplished goals and accomplish them one step by one step.... and will share in a little time longer when all is said and done. I saw it in my mind and the celebration at the time of fruition. So until then my lips are sealed and yet filled with the happiness of taking a step forward.

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